I should get back to writing, I always tell myself on a Friday evening for the "to do's" over the weekend. Of course, it never materialised. Days came to weeks, weeks turned to months, and next thing I know its been 6 months since I made my last entry.
So what happened?
Life sometimes just takes over, passes by and before we know it time has gone.
In a nutshell, I have sort of completed my tasks and timelines, and have just submitted my Annual Monitoring Form. The tick box exercise has been out of the way (for now), and the next step in the real bit (the research practical part), after all the paperwork been filed.
3 important things that have I learned in the past few months
(with the intention to separate these musings with the academic milestones)
1. DO NOT ever (ever) again , or try to (even) compare (again) your PhD journey with your colleagues.
I used to feel very insecure when I hear other PhD's talk about their science, the laboratory experiments and the sheer number of their research participants. The quantifiable data that they aim to produce, and every time I walk away from those conversations, I start questioning my research protocol and my qualitative approach ( Is my research worth pursuing? ). Of course, no matter how much people tell your value , despite being on a scholarship, and receiving accolades and with constant reassurance from supervisors and peers- these all seem useless. As my lack of confidence in this new territory falls blind and deaf, leaving me with no shield or armour of experience. Then, there comes the imposter syndrome. Which all then spiral downwards to my definition of self-worth. It is relentless and not helpful at all.
The truth is, all research is worth doing, and no PhD journey is the same. So, stop these self- limiting thoughts, and just carry-on.
2. STOP struggling, rather participate creatively.
The more I set myself with unachievable standards, the more my abilities tend to resist. The more I find myself struggling, I am stuck and not moving any forward. So then I realise, there is no point with all these self imposed hardship. Why cant I just be relaxed and calm about it. As my friend advised me: " you are getting paid to learn, try to at least enjoy the process". Rightly so, by creatively participating, I have noticed my mind is more engaging, more open as well as work seems to flow naturally. The stumbling blocks can be seen as challenges and triumphs when succeeded. Also, I have heard that age old comparisons; "The postgrad Master's degree is a sprint, the PhD is more like a marathon".
And in that case, I need to conserve each precious energy to sustain the long run. For the final years, where I will need the mental and physical endurance, the skill and knowledge to reach the finish line.
Also, I have noticed that one of the main reasons why I reluctantly update this blog is the pressure I put on to myself that it needs to be noteworthy of a read, grammatically sound, a piece of in-depth writing or at least with an interesting thought. Which defies the very reason of why I started this blog at the first place.
Now, I think I wouldn't care less with typos (at least try to edit) or content.
As long as I am writing, as long as I am thinking, as long as I am doing... I am creatively participating.
3. GOALS along the way.
It has been past 8 months, since I started my PhD and I still have more that 2 years left to complete.
The next short term goal is to undertake empirical research and embark on the practical world of data collection, not to mention the plan of publication along the way. Regardless, there are goals and signposts. Never lose sight of it and always have the mindset that each work contributes towards the final piece of work required to get the PhD (the ultimate thesis). I always remind myself that in the end, what matters the most is that piece of book where you wrote everything you did and documented what you have learned since day 1.
Since the journey is arduous and long, make those little goals achievable. Also, learn to celebrate those little successes along the way.
But, most of the time I still need to remind myself, and hopefully these thoughts won't just stay as thoughts.
I have started this page again, with a renewed enthusiasm. I really hope I get back into creative mode, getting used to writing thoughts down and let not another 6 months pass by (Fingers crossed!).
So what happened?
Life sometimes just takes over, passes by and before we know it time has gone.
In a nutshell, I have sort of completed my tasks and timelines, and have just submitted my Annual Monitoring Form. The tick box exercise has been out of the way (for now), and the next step in the real bit (the research practical part), after all the paperwork been filed.
3 important things that have I learned in the past few months
(with the intention to separate these musings with the academic milestones)
1. DO NOT ever (ever) again , or try to (even) compare (again) your PhD journey with your colleagues.
I used to feel very insecure when I hear other PhD's talk about their science, the laboratory experiments and the sheer number of their research participants. The quantifiable data that they aim to produce, and every time I walk away from those conversations, I start questioning my research protocol and my qualitative approach ( Is my research worth pursuing? ). Of course, no matter how much people tell your value , despite being on a scholarship, and receiving accolades and with constant reassurance from supervisors and peers- these all seem useless. As my lack of confidence in this new territory falls blind and deaf, leaving me with no shield or armour of experience. Then, there comes the imposter syndrome. Which all then spiral downwards to my definition of self-worth. It is relentless and not helpful at all.
The truth is, all research is worth doing, and no PhD journey is the same. So, stop these self- limiting thoughts, and just carry-on.
2. STOP struggling, rather participate creatively.
The more I set myself with unachievable standards, the more my abilities tend to resist. The more I find myself struggling, I am stuck and not moving any forward. So then I realise, there is no point with all these self imposed hardship. Why cant I just be relaxed and calm about it. As my friend advised me: " you are getting paid to learn, try to at least enjoy the process". Rightly so, by creatively participating, I have noticed my mind is more engaging, more open as well as work seems to flow naturally. The stumbling blocks can be seen as challenges and triumphs when succeeded. Also, I have heard that age old comparisons; "The postgrad Master's degree is a sprint, the PhD is more like a marathon".
And in that case, I need to conserve each precious energy to sustain the long run. For the final years, where I will need the mental and physical endurance, the skill and knowledge to reach the finish line.
Also, I have noticed that one of the main reasons why I reluctantly update this blog is the pressure I put on to myself that it needs to be noteworthy of a read, grammatically sound, a piece of in-depth writing or at least with an interesting thought. Which defies the very reason of why I started this blog at the first place.
Now, I think I wouldn't care less with typos (at least try to edit) or content.
As long as I am writing, as long as I am thinking, as long as I am doing... I am creatively participating.
3. GOALS along the way.
It has been past 8 months, since I started my PhD and I still have more that 2 years left to complete.
The next short term goal is to undertake empirical research and embark on the practical world of data collection, not to mention the plan of publication along the way. Regardless, there are goals and signposts. Never lose sight of it and always have the mindset that each work contributes towards the final piece of work required to get the PhD (the ultimate thesis). I always remind myself that in the end, what matters the most is that piece of book where you wrote everything you did and documented what you have learned since day 1.
Since the journey is arduous and long, make those little goals achievable. Also, learn to celebrate those little successes along the way.
But, most of the time I still need to remind myself, and hopefully these thoughts won't just stay as thoughts.
I have started this page again, with a renewed enthusiasm. I really hope I get back into creative mode, getting used to writing thoughts down and let not another 6 months pass by (Fingers crossed!).
